and when it was over

I woke up alone.

on the upside

to put it lightly, I've found the last couple of months to be really fucking hard, with this week probably being one of the worst. I've been in tears every second morning this week. Oh well, that's life. I decided I should list some of the positives in my life at the moment so I have something to look at when it feels like everything is falling apart:

• University will be over for the year in less than a week. No more feeling guilty for just doing nothing.
• University being over means I'll have time for a ridiculous exercise regime to begin.
• I'm getting tattooed again next month.
• I'm hopefully going back to New York again next year.
• I'll have 120 The Reign shirts in my car tomorrow.
• I've realised I have so many true friends old and new who actually give a shit and have all been here when I needed it. Thankyou.
  

is it weird to sit there, knowing how far you've come in the last 2 years of your life and still wish you were the person you were 2 years ago? Some mistakes you never stop paying for.

kiss that mother fucker good night.

Eye to eye, ill keep my composure
Hands shaking and these fists will be tightly clenched
I want it back, I’ll say for the first time.

Every ounce of fucking air you’ve never appreciated

If this is all that I am a series of choice words... you’ll never hear this angelic voice again.
I’m tired of talking in circles explaining what you don’t get; you’ve never lost, never loved, never ever fucking lived.

You left me for dead once. How could I forget? Now I can see right through your hollow empty eyes, I will never again go
Unnoticed...unnoticed...unnoticed...

Say this is jealousy that I’m feeling well then I’m fine with that. You have a certain characteristic that gives you the means to not feel a fucking thing for anyone that isn’t you. Now tell me you’re not fucking selfish. For every kind hearted word that I spoke to you. I beg I could take back every syllable you ripped from my mouth as I screamed for you to understand. What it feels like to not be as important to someone as they are to you. Well I’ve been on both ends and my lesson was learned. So I tell the stories of collapsed lungs so maybe the fortunate could get a fighting chance to just cut and fucking run.

Fuck saying the right things- I’m sick of being your crutch. I will never pick you up again. Don’t show me that face, you know the one that I’m talking about. You will never get under my skin again. Not another word. Not sorry for shit... I’m leaving you breathless...broken...alive...alive...


fuck the world

mix CDs

so my girlfriend made me a mix CD. well actually, she gave her friend the same CD too, but let's just forget that part for a second haha.

it's full of cool indie rock. has a shins quote on the cover, hand drawn artwork on the CD and a line from each song in the insert. pretty cool huh?


now it seems I gotta top it somehow, but I doubt my mix CD will be anywhere near as cool haha.

I guess today has been another good day. Maybe I should make a pact that I only write about the good days from now on.

I had work for a few hours this morning. I had to drive into the city, pick up some computers and take them out to the office at Albion, install them, then take the old PCs back into the city and then go home. Easy life. Involved a lot of jamming Sunny Day Real Estate in the car haha.

I got home around 1PM. Went and got my haircut, went for a run, then chilled out for a bit before going to pick up Chris and Nath in preparation for a night of serious hangs. We got home, hung out for a bit, grabbed Davemang and then headed off for Sizzler. Where we met up with Scrad, Dan and Sean. Thomas was meant to come to but he was late finishing work so we just met him at the show. Sizzler was rad. So much food was eaten haha. Kind of made that run I did a few hours before seem a bit useless but hey.

After dinner we did the drive over to South Bank to see CRUEL HAND. Dinner made us end up missing Ghosttown, which was a bit of a bummer but hey.

Word Up! were kinda cool but I went outside after a few songs, kinda cool but in the end forgettable is probably a good description. They just released their debut album I think and this is part of their first national tour (I think?), so good on them, just not my thing.

Against was cool, as always. They've thankfully started busting out old songs again so that's a bonus. I never get Greg these days though, he just talks a heap of random shit on stage haha and it makes me wonder if maybe he's over it? or maybe he's just old and crazy now? I dunno. I Am Vengeance was fun.

Next up was Cruel Hand. Mosh paradise haha. It was good fun. Kids went crazy and even I got loose to a couple of tracks (which rarely happens). Sean has been with them since the debut 7" and I think he was kinda bummed that they only played one song off their first album, which is I guess a bummer for anyone (and a symbol that the band is trying to distance themselves from their older, less moshy side) but hey, they can do what they want. It was fun. Some fight after the show where a security guard let a kid dish out some 'eye for an eye' type justice put a bit of a sour taste in my mouth, but it's not the first time I've felt like that about hardcore shows and I guess it won't be the last.

I dropped Chris home after the show and then Sean and I jammed a couple of episodes of the Shield. Nath and I are now hanging out jamming some music and both lurking the internetz before we go to bed. I can't believe he had never heard Decemberunderground before. It's a good album. Fuck the haters.

Going to Byron tomorrow with some good dudes to see some good bands. Good life. Maybe I'll write another blog about it? Who knows.

yoooo

today has been a fairly good day.

Yesterday I had work, hung out a bit afterwards for boardroom drinks (which was suprisingly alright for me and my orange juice haha), read more of 'On the Road' by Jack Kerouac and I finished watching season 5 of the shield, before retreating to bed.

Today I got up late and have been sitting at the computer jamming some sick tunes ever since. Raised Fist, Rival Mob, the new Reign Supreme album and now some live Hope Con. Pre-orders for the new Hope Con 7" are up today, I kinda wanna preorder now so I can get the songs now but I think I'll wait till tomorrow anyway haha. Gonna go to the gym later and then I have work at 5:30PM followed by seeing the gifthorse after. Good life.

Work tomorrow and then I'm gonna come home and watch Garden State. good weekend overall I think.

hmmm

I feel like I could use something to put my energy into over the next couple of months. I think I might write another zine. I've already got a couple of older interviews I can throw in it to start with and then I might do a couple more. Sick of Goodbyes #3 in yo faceeeeeee.

I hope to keep the wankiness down a bit with this issue. no promises though.

In Circles

Sometimes I find it hard to believe how much I manage to fuck things up without even trying. It's like you just turn around some days and realise you inadvertently managed to make some things in your life end worse than even the most pessimistic person could have predicted. It's like it's so bad and ridiculous, I'm not even that upset about it. Just in awe of the absurdity of everything.

I guess another night/day listening to Sunny Day Real Estate is in order.

last US diary entry

here's the last US diary entry that I did before we came home...

I had no net at the airport because I couldn’t be fucked paying $12 for it, so here’s the recap of our last 2 days in America:

It’s all over. I’m currently sitting at the airport at 9PM on Sunday night listening to ‘Indictment’ by Jawbreaker over and over. We board our flight home in a couple of hours and at 6AM tomorrow morning I’ll be at home on Australian soil.

We spent most of today at Knot’s Berry Farm, a themepark about 10 minutes down the road from Disneyland. We were originally going to go to Six Flags today because they had a $25US entry deal but we didn’t realise it was actually 100km away form where we were staying, so we bailed and hit up Knot’s Berry Park instead. It’s not s grand as Six Fags Magic Mountain, but it was pretty cool nonetheless. They have like 8 or 9 thrill rides, some like rides back home and others that aren’t There’s a magnetic roller coaster (ala Tower of Terror), a freefall ride (ala the Giant Drop), a hanging roller coaster (ala the Lethal Weapon) and also rides similar, but still with subtle differences to the Claw and the Wipeout at Dreamworld. Taking the Dreamworld comparisons even further, you can kind of see where Dreamworld takes a lot of it’s influence from by looking around at Knot’s Berry Farm. Ever wondered why Dreamworld has that weird goldrush vibe to some of the park? Yeah, they stole it from Knot’s Berry Farm haha.

Yesterday was a bit of a lazy day. We got up early to a bit of a disappointing breakfast of donuts and danishes (it seems that qualifies as a free breakfast in America) and then decided to sleep for a bit longer before heading out to Huntington Beach. We hit up a record store before heading to the beach and another one after so dudes could be vinyl nerds. I got Born in the USA and some Tom Petty live double LP and some zines and Sean bought like 793r82447747437534567 records as usual.

Huntington Beach was kind of boring to be honest. It was just a beach and the weather was overcast, not really beach weather. It was made a bit interesting by some intelligence contest where they were giving out free money that turned out to be religious propaganda (who else can afford to give away money?), some English punker called us ‘fags’ (which I don’t even understand? We were all just wearing jeans and tshirts). He was with who I perceived to be his girlfriend too, what a sick dude.

Saturday night’s Burning Fight show was at Pomona, a nice area outside of LA. Their was a cool antique lane with all these antique stores down the street from the venue and a cool little market with a band playing across the road from the venue. Lots of little art galleries open around there too which I regrettably didn’t check out. I got Thai some cool Thai fried rice while the second band was playing too. Pomona rules. So much cleaner than LA.
The start of the show was overcome with merchandise. Indecision records did a limited pressing of the Undertow discography CD ‘Everything’ on double LP and a triple LP Unbroken discography (complete with Smiths quote on the cover haha) just for this show and kids went mad for it. Biggest merch line I have ever seen in my life. I wanted to get another Unbroken Morrissey shirt at this show (I got a white one at Burning Fight Chicago and I kind of wanted a black one too) but the black ones sold out in small so I just got a baby blue one and a black one in large for a friend. Decent life.

The first band to play was Festival of Dead Deer. I didn’t like them at all haha. I’ve never been a massive fan of (real) ‘screamo’kind of stuff and that is what this reminded me of. I walked out and hung out outside after a few songs.

Threadbare were on next but as I’d seen them the weekend before and didn’t know a single song then and still don’t know a single song now I decided to skip it in favoured of the aforementioned Thai dinner.

I wasn’t too enthused by Portraits of Past either, not really my thing.

Undertow, Swing Kids and Unbroken were rad, but I can't really be fucked recapping any of it now haha. night.