Fighting

I wrote this tonight after thinking about arguments. I've written about before (and then later taken the post down) about how after fighting with some people, I've felt like I meant nothing to them because of how hard we'd fought. I felt like if they wanted to keep me around, maybe they would have been a bit more restrained. I then thought about some of the arguments I've started in my own life and how often I fight to the death as well. I just hope people understand that I do care, I just believe in honesty more than I believe in keeping the peace/things being easy.

If there's anything I've started to realise these days,
it's that by nature I'm more fighter than lover, you could say.
I've spent a lifetime trying to change it,
but I still can't always beat it.
I doubt it helps that I have this chip on my shoulder,
from a year spent living as a constant fold-er.
It all fucks with my head,
and makes me lash out when I sense a threat.

Because so often it gets lost in the storm of the day to day,
there's something important I want to say:

That just because I fight with you and I fight hard,
doesn't mean that I don't care immensely.
I may hate it sometimes, but I believe in our honesty.
It's rewarding, even if it isn't easy.