2 important concepts

I was thinking about this tonight so I thought I might write about it. These are two concepts that I hold dear to my heart, ideas that I try to base my life around. I think they make sense.

The first is 'sustainability', not in the environmental sense, but in the personal sense. It is a very similar basic idea though, act in a way that will last in the long term. I believe strongly in looking at where certain behaviours will lead to in 1, 5, 10 ,20 years if I continue with that certain behaviour. It works with any situation, large or small. ie. If I use my friends and treat them like shit... at some point in time it will all fall apart and I will have no friends, if I spend too much money and live outside my means... I will be forever plagued with debt, if I keep dealing with people that emotionally drain me... one day I will fall apart and collapse, if I have no ambition to get out of the basic jobs I work now... in 10 years time it won't be as cool to work at a supermarket anymore etc. You get the idea. It is a very simple and powerful concept. I try and apply it to every part of my life and I think it serves to keep me in check fairly well. Sometimes I manage to get past it and act in ways that are obviously not sustainable, but the idea is so drummed into my head that the warning bells are always ringing and I have nothing to say to myself except 'told you so' when the unsustainable situation inevitably falls apart.

The next concept runs deeper, I call it 'permanence', it's my understanding of the interaction between friends. I believe that our close friends and groups of friends are a constantly evolving creature and should always be treated as such. I've seen so many situations where people get so caught up in the idea of a single 'best friend' that they give all of themselves to one person and are then ruined when that person leaves for whatever reason (person moves away, maybe issues in the friendship etc.) or fails to reciprocate the oneness expected by the other person. To me the concept of one 'best friend' seems like a childish idea. It just doesn't work in the adult world because it doesn't take into account ambition. I wish the best for all my close friends and I love to see people with big goals, even if those goals means they have to move away, have less time to hang out etc. I know that their may be another time when we will hang out again or maybe we'll just catch up every now and then, I don't mind. I don't want my friends to feel obliged to stick around for my sake, there's always other cool people looking for someone to hang out with.

This point can often become my achilles heel though. So many of my friends are busy with work, girlfriends, study etc. and because I don't want to be a burden, even when people say they'll always be there, I rarely call someone up when I just need someone to talk to. I normally just wait out the loneliness, try and sleep it off. thankfully, not too much of that has happened lately though and the last time it did, someone was there to hang out, I didn't even need to talk... just hang out.

I guess the issue with my view is that it keeps me from being very close to any one person, because I know that by nature, anybody, no matter how many years of friendship, needs to be replaceable. This is where the concept of sustainability comes into play here as well and we now cover the last close human interaction: relationships. I have spent most of my adult life searching for a long term relationship because of these concepts. I do want someone to be there for me, I do want someone that I can be close to all the time etc., but by definition, the only way that it can be sustainable is when you're in a relationship. It's the situation where it's a requirement to include someone else in your actions, my friends can happily decide to move overseas, move interstate etc. without considering me in their actions... but a girlfriend could not do the same. I think that is why I chase being in a relationship so much, because I rob myself of an extreme closeness with one person because it's not sustainable.

ps. sorry this writing is rough as hell, but the ideas are there...