Reconciliation

I've been going through my notebook tonight and finding what I think is worth typing up and adding to this blog. In between all the nonsense, I think I got some things down pretty well. I wrote this about two months ago, the sentiment seems just as poignant today.

I've found that there's a very fine line between reconciliation and just giving it up. Sometimes it feels like the bullshit will never end and the time it would take to get to the bottom of everything seems too long to justify even trying. You need to work out if where you started was even good enough to justify trying to get back there at all and if it will even feel right when you get there, instead of just an apparition from the past. Whether it's worth pulling your barriers down and being at your most vulnerable in front of someone else, in the hope that they'll respond positively to that and do the same. Whether you can let go of the things they've said and done in frustration that have hurt you. Whether you truly understand how your own frustrated words and actions have hurt them. Most importantly, whether you've both truly learnt anything or if you'll just fall back into the same bullshit you were trying to escape.